Blame it on the Name Anyway

HOW DO YOU spell 'Kolkata'? Or pronounce it?

No, this isn't a test of your English spelling and pronunciation skills (and nor have I gone crazy). It's actually one of those just-like-that random questions, having an amazing ability to freak people out. Sounds bullshit? Well, throw this question at anyone you like (or dislike), and you're sure to get back a lot of zany answers.

I did just that. Over the past few days I did what Desmond Morris often does — people watching (stop bulging your eyes silly!). I noticed the way people say 'Kolkata'. or write it. And boy, the results were mind-boggling! I never knew this city had such a great degree of flexibility of its name.

You might argue, what's the big deal in the name Kolkata? Why make an issue out of it? It's as simply spelt as K-o-l-k-a-t-a, and pronounced as Coal-kata. Right?

Wrong. One the contrary, the name gets distorted so often that I doubt whether there's really a consensus on what should be the actual spelling or pronunciation of it. The most common spelling of Kolkata is Kolkatta — embellished(!) with an extra 'T'. I recently saw a TV channel using that spelling in one of their telecasted shows. I even found the same spelling on the admission form of an educational institution. But why overburden the word with unnecessary alphabets? Is it a result of colonial hangover (of making Kolkatta sound almost a namesake of Calcutta), or an overdose of Ekta Kapoor soap operas? If latter is the case, then someday the city might end up as Kkolkatta! And coming to verbal expression, sample these — Call-kata, Call-kota, Call-katta, Kal-kata. Phew!

Do I sound Raj Thackeray-ish? Well, that's the last thing I would intend to, because the name gets messed up by everyone — Bengalis and non-Bengalis alike. No hard feelings for that. Kolkata, being essentially a Bengali word, it's difficult for those who don't know the language to get the right accent (after all, how many of us say Pa-ri instead of Paris?). So it's not out of anger or vengeance that I'm writing this post (did you think.... urghh!). It's actually quite amusing to find so many renditions of my city's name. And then, most importantly, pissing people off by mindless questions has a charm of its own! Like I said, it's one of those freaky just-like-that random questions.

So, how do you pronounce Kolkata? Or spell it?